


begin (again)

by willtoziers (vapoir)



Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Aged up characters, Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind AU, M/M, Memory Erasure, break-up, kinda sad, no pennywise, set in the 2000's, they're in their 20's, time jumps
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-01
Updated: 2018-01-01
Packaged: 2019-02-25 22:44:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13222773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vapoir/pseuds/willtoziers
Summary: To Whom It May Concern,Eddie Kaspbrak has had Richie Tozier erased from his memory. Please never mention their relationship to him ever again.Thank you.or, the eternal sunshine of the spotless mind au absolutely no one asked me to write.





	begin (again)

**Author's Note:**

> i don't know what this is!!!!!!
> 
> this is me being super scatterbrained and needing to get this idea down before i slowly lose my mind. it's all over the place and the summary and tags should explain everything. also pay attention to dates bc the time jumps around a bit
> 
> now that this is out, my full attention will be on the last chapter of ftdt so expect that out soon!!
> 
> i have an idea for a second part to this depending on how this one does, so please leave me a comment and let me know what you think
> 
> all mistakes are mine, enjoy!

_November 7th, 2007._

 

Richie was thankful for the change in weather. The local coffee shop he worked in was lucky to get a few customers a day during the warmer months, other than their few, very loyal regulars. As soon as October rolled around, things started picking up, and Richie was more than happy to have a few more tips in his pocket. 

The job wasn't ideal, by any means. He had dropped out of college two years ago to start a career in music, which was becoming a lot harder than he originally thought it would be. 

Despite living in New York, one of the biggest places for up and coming artists and musicians, Richie was having little luck besides a few bar gigs every two weeks or so with his band. No record labels had contacted them about their demos, no bigger venues had requested they play for them, and they seemed to need a new manager every few months.

He was lucky that his bandmates, Beverly, Mike, and Bill, had stuck around for as long as they had. They were all optimistic that something big was going to happen to their little band soon enough.

Until that day, though, he was stuck swirling leaf designs into whipped cream. 

"Caramel macchiato with extra sweetener!" Richie yelled, something he wasn't used to doing in the normally slow shop. There were at least six people still waiting in line, and despite how busy the rush seemed, Ben was taking orders with a never yielding smile on his face.

Ben was how Richie got the job in the first place. Being Beverly's boyfriend as well as the manager of the place, he was more than willing to give Richie a chance at being a barista there. 

Not that the job took the most extreme skill, but still. 

Richie handed the macchiato to a middle aged woman, grinning at her and wishing her a nice day, before moving on to the next order. 

He was busy pouring some almond milk into a cup when he glanced over towards the window buy the door, nearly knocking over a tub of ice as he did a double take.

Sitting by the window was what happened to be the cutest fucking guy he had _ever_ seen.

He was sitting out of Ben's view, but Richie could see him perfectly, and it was like his eyes were immediately drawn to him.

The guy was wearing a grey peacoat with a black scarf tucked into it, his brown hair falling in messy waves around his eyes. He was typing away at something on his laptop, his eyebrows furrowed as he brought a cup up to his lips. He glanced up in Richie's direction, and when their eyes met, he didn't look away. Instead, he smiled.

Richie couldn't look away.

There was something soft about him, something polar opposite to Richie that was pulling him in.

He needed to go talk to him. Introduce himself, maybe get a number—

Richie nearly overflowed the current drink he was making with almond milk, cursing to himself as some of it spilled over onto the counter. He grabbed a towel to clean up the mess, and then went back to focus on the task at hand. 

Right. He had drinks to make first. 

 

+

 

_July 21st, 2005._

 

"You _told_ me you would go back this semester, Richie!"

Richie groaned to himself, scrubbing at a stubborn piece of macaroni that absolutely refused to separate from the plate he was washing. "I told you I would think about it. Didn't say I would." 

He could feel Eddie's glare from across the room, and it did little to calm down the annoyance he felt towards his boyfriend. 

"I just don't fucking get it," Eddie said, his voice raising in pitch, something that happened when he got frustrated and was sometimes enough to drive Richie crazy. Not in the good way.

Eddie continued. "We're barely getting by right now as it is, and you choose now to drop out of school? When you're only a year away from finishing? And for what, Richie? To become some washed up, wanna-be rockstar? How dumb can you possibly be?"

Richie scoffed at Eddie's words, turning off the water and wiping his hands on a towel. He turned around to look at his boyfriend of the last four years, his back leaning against the counter. "Not all of us are as smart as you are. In case you forgot, I was barely passing anything as it was. There was no point in me finishing it out if I wasn't even gonna graduate."

"Because you didn't try!" Eddie yelled, exasperated. "You fucking gave up on yourself and chose to spend your time doing your stupid music shit instead of actually studying."

"That _music shit_ happens to be important to me, Eddie—“

"But it doesn't help me pay the fucking bills, Richie!"

Richie brought a hand up to rub at his temple. They had been having this fight lately, mixed in with other ones.

It seemed like every little thing that happened between them caused an argument anymore. They'd spent more time at each other's throats than actually being a couple over the last few months.

It was wearing them both down — Richie knew it.

He saw the circles under his own eyes. He saw the way Eddie slept, on his side, curled as far away from Richie as possible. He saw the way they tip toed around one another, the way they hadn't had sex in weeks, the way Eddie seemed more and more content with taking double shifts at the hospital. Meaning more time away from Richie. 

It seemed like they were falling out of love more and more every day, and at this point, trying to prevent that from happening seemed like a lost cause. 

"Since when was it even about paying the bills, Eds? When we moved in together, we both promised each other that no matter what, having each other was enough. It shouldn't be about how much fucking money I'm bringing to the table," Richie said slowly, lowering his voice. He knew shouting got him nowhere with Eddie. 

Eddie was staring down at the pile of papers and envelopes on the table in front of him, reading glasses resting at the tip of his nose. "So, what, I'm just supposed to take care of all this on my own? While you get to sit back and relax and play your stupid guitar and work some minimum wage job?"

Richie sighed to himself, moving to sit down in the seat adjacent to Eddie. He picked up one of the bills and skimmed over it. "The minimum wage job is temporary, Eds. When the music thing takes off, I'm gonna be making more money than we'll know what to do with." He looked up at his boyfriend, eyes shining with hope. "We'll be living the life I fucking promised you we'd have, all those years ago."

"It's just not realistic, Richie. We're broke. You're willing to give up comfort and safety for a dead high school dream you can't seem to let go of, while I'm here working my ass off everyday trying to pick up the pieces. How is that the life you promised me?" Eddie was looking at him, eyes tired and sad. It sent a pang of guilt through Richie's chest, and he said nothing.

They were silent, staring down at the stack of papers in front of them, a coldness taking over the room.

"Do you love me?" Richie whispered, looking over at Eddie. Eddie was silent. 

A beat passed before either of them spoke. Eddie sounded defeated. 

"You stopped loving me, too."

When Eddie left that night, Richie didn't try to stop him. 

 

+

 

_February 10th, 2006._

 

It'd been over six months since Eddie left, and he hadn't heard from him since.

Which was okay, really. He knew they needed time apart. 

They needed time to figure out what they wanted, time to cool down, time to decide if they still loved each other. 

And the more Richie thought about it, the fights they had didn't seem important. The distance that had built between them didn't seem like a wall they couldn't tear down together.

Richie was willing to give things another shot. The last thing he ever wanted was to lose Eddie for good, especially over things they could fix.

Richie hadn't reached out to Eddie personally, wanting to give the man the space he needed. He instead would check up on him through their mutual friends, which were usually Stan (Bill's boyfriend and Eddie's friend), Beverly, Mike, or Ben. They had all grown to love Eddie over the time that they'd known him, and were quick to reassure Richie that Eddie was doing just fine. 

They all specifically suggested that Richie should leave him alone for the time being, which is what he planned on doing. 

Until today.

A trip to the video store was something Richie hadn't planned on doing on his way home from a shift at the coffee shop, but he figured a night to himself watching films and drinking shitty beer didn't sound too bad.

He was busy browsing the horror section, a few movies already in his hand, when he felt a presence beside him. 

"Saw II? Don't waste your money - totally not better than the first one."

Richie nearly broke his neck with how fast he turned his head to the side, finding none other than Eddie Kaspbrak smiling shyly up at him.

His heart fluttered in his chest, and he nearly dropped all the movies he had been holding. 

Eddie was looking at him with his eyebrows raised, and it was only then that Richie realized he had been staring at him in wonder for longer than necessary. 

"Um, I mean," Eddie continued, rubbing at the back of his neck. "Just going from personal opinion. You're more than entitled to watch whatever you please," he said with a small chuckle. "I'm gonna walk away now, and try not to cringe in embarrassment forever at how awkward that was of me."

Eddie started turning away, and Richie was starting to reach after him, confused, when suddenly none other than Stanley Uris rounded the corner. Richie had known Stan for a year or two now, since he was Eddie's best friend and dating Bill. He was heading in Eddie's direction, and Richie realized they were probably there together.

"Did you find anything yet, Eddie?" He asked, before he glanced over and looked at Richie, his face paling.

"Fuck— Richie." He then turned to Eddie, almost too quickly, a nervous edge to his smile as he looked at him. "Hey, can you go up front and grab some of that cheap candy they have up there?"

"Why can't we grab it when we go to check out?" Eddie asked in confusion, glancing back at Richie. "And how do you two know each other?"

_What?_

"Just do it, please?" Stan was nearly begging, Richie was confused, and Eddie looked between the two of them before doing as Stan asked, walking towards the front of the store. Stan turned to Richie.

"What all did you say to him?" Stan asked, lip between his teeth. Richie didn't understand why he looked so worried.

"I didn't get a chance to say anything," Richie sighed, shaking his head and crossing his arms. "Why— why did he say that, asking how we know each other? Is he okay?"

Stan looked puzzled, glancing off to the side. He didn't have an answer.

"You know what, doesn't matter. I need to talk to him," Richie said, starting to move past Stan. He was stopped by a hand on his arm.

"I can't let you do that, Richie." Stan's voice was soft and his eyes were sad, yet his words were firm.

Richie stared at him in confusion that slowly faded to annoyance. "And why the hell not? I've given him plenty of time, Stan. I know he's your best friend, but I have every right to talk to him. So, if you don't mind-"

" _Richie_ ," Stan pleaded, glancing towards the front of the store nervously. "Look - come to Bill's place tonight. We'll explain everything then, okay? But for right now, leave Eddie alone. You can't speak to him."

"Explain? Explain what?" Richie's head was reeling in confusion and fear at what could possibly be going on. Was Eddie okay?

What Stan did next surprised Richie - he was hugging him.

"Just trust me. I'm sorry, Rich. Come by tonight."

Within only a few moments, Stan was letting go and walking to the front of the store, he and Eddie left, and Richie stood in the middle of the video store wondering what the hell just happened.

A few hours later, Richie drove the familiar path to Bill's apartment. He had expected to walk in and find Bill, possibly Stan - what he hadn't been expected was to see all five of his and Eddie's closest friends there. 

Beverly sat on the couch staring at the coffee table with a worried expression. Ben sat beside her, hand rubbing her back gently as he gazed out the window mindlessly. Mike sat on the other side of Bev, watching the news on the old TV in front of them. 

Bill and Stan stood in the kitchen, having what seemed to be a heated conversation judging by the looks on their faces. Behind them on the counter was a small slip of yellow paper that Richie didn't recognize.

"Alright, Jesus, who died?"

They all simultaneously looked up when Richie made himself known. Bill and Stan immediately ceased whatever conversation had been going on between them. 

Beverly was the first to stand up from the couch, walking over to Richie with a half smile. "Hi, honey," she said softly, pulling him into a hug. There was a tenseness in the air that Richie didn't like or understand, and he found himself hugging Bev tightly out of fear. 

"Hey," he mumbled, glancing at Bill and Stan over her shoulder. Bill was looking at him sadly, and Stan moved his gaze to the floor. 

Bev pulled away from the hug and ran a hand down Richie's face. "Come sit," she said, tugging him towards the living room.

Mike stood so that Richie could have a seat, and he instead sat on the coffee table facing them. Bill and Stan walked into the room next.

Richie didn't like the way his friends were looking at him, like he was something fragile and they had to walk on eggshells around him. He didn't know what he did. 

"Will one of you please tell me what the fuck is going on? You guys are looking at me like someone killed my dog or something," he chuckled nervously. 

It was then Richie noticed the yellow piece of paper again, but this time it was clutched in Bill's hands. 

"Bill?" Richie whispered to his oldest friend, something pleading in his voice. 

He watched Bill swallow thickly, looking over at Stan for a moment. Stan nodded his head. Beverly took Richie's hand. Mike looked away. Ben started pacing. 

Bill handed him the paper. 

_"To Whom It May Concern,_

_Eddie Kaspbrak has had Richie Tozier erased from his memory. Please never mention their relationship to him ever again._

_Thank you."_

Richie stared at the paper, reading it over and over. When he thought he was done reading it, he read it again. And again. His friends watched him the whole time, no one speaking. 

Eddie Kaspbrak. Erased. Richie Tozier. Erased from his memory.

Eddie. Richie. Memory. Never mention their relationship to him ever again. Erased. Eddie. 

Almost eerily calm, Richie set the paper to the side. 

Then, his world went fuzzy, a faint ringing sound in his ears, and everything went black.

 

+

 

It was experimental, Mike said.

A doctor in one of the bigger parts of the city had apparently been doing it for ages now, though nothing had ever gotten an official green light to become a common procedure. Something about complications and side effects and other things that went in one of Richie's ears and out the other. 

All it took was one last fight, one visit to a doctor, one procedure for Richie to be completely erased from Eddie's life.

Richie could handle a break-up. He could handle never seeing Eddie again. 

What he could not handle was never existing to Eddie. For Eddie to be so completely out of love with him, that he would want to pretend it never happened to begin with. 

That they never happened. 

At first, he was angry with his friends. Angry that they kept such a thing from him, that they didn't try to stop Eddie from doing it.

"He wa-was dead-set o-on it, Rich. There was n-n-no talking him out of it," Bill had whispered quietly in the darkness of his bedroom. After passing out from shock, all his friends agreed Richie should stay with one of them for the night.

Bill was the first to volunteer. 

Richie felt cried-out by this point, his eyes red and hair messy as he stared at Bill, who was laying across from him in the bed. Richie had barely said anything since reading the paper, and it made Bill nervous. 

"Y-you should try to g-get some rest, R-Richie."

Sleeping was the last thing Richie wanted to do.

"Did he say why?" Richie whispered, voice hoarse from tears. 

Bill looked at him sadly. "He d-didn't say much. J-just looked pretty torn up a-about the whole t-thing."

Richie stared at a loose thread on Bill's sleep shirt. "I get that he wasn't in love with me anymore. I was pretty unlovable by that point, but I just— erasing everything? _Everything_? I-I don't—" He paused, feeling himself getting choked up by tears again. 

Bill shushed him, pulling Richie into his arms as his best friend cried into his chest. He hadn't seen Richie like this in years, and he hated it. Part of him hated Eddie for doing this to him, but he couldn't find it in himself to. Not completely. 

"M-maybe you could get the p-p-procedure done, too? I d-don't know if that would make it b-better or worse, but— it's an option, R-Richie."

Richie sniffled against him. 

It was something to think about. 

Would he really want that? To forget Eddie?

Eddie, who he met and fell in love with and everything in between. Short, hilarious, sensitive, snarky, soft, beautiful firecraker Eddie Kaspbrak who changed everything he'd ever known about life and love. 

He could live his whole life, remembering what they had, while knowing Eddie no longer shared those memories. He could live the rest of his life mourning someone still alive. 

Or, he could forget, too.

Richie pulled back from Bill's embrace, and in a moment of sorrow and hurt and confusion, he leaned up and kissed him softly.

There was no real meaning behind it, they both knew that. It only lasted a few seconds, and Bill allowed it. 

He knew Richie was seeking comfort from him, and it was okay. 

"T-try to sleep," he suggested again, and Richie, emotionally exhausted, didn't argue.

 

+

 

It wasn't but a month later when Bill, Beverly, Mike, Ben, and Stan all got cards in the mail.

_"To Whom It May Concern,_

_Richie Tozier has had Eddie Kaspbrak erased from his memory. Please never mention their relationship to him ever again._

_Thank you."_

 

_+_

_November 7th, 2007._

 

An hour had passed since the rush, and finally, Richie had a moment to breathe.

The coffee shop was now filled with people scattered around, happily drinking their coffee that he and Ben had quickly gotten together. He had to say, he was pretty impressed by how quickly the two of them managed to get everything done.

Ben approached him with a smile, clapping him on the shoulder. 

"Wanna take your break early? That new girl, Shannon, should be here in like five. I can hold it down until she clocks in," Ben said cheerfully, and Richie could have hugged him right then. 

"Sounds good to me, Handsome Hanscom. Be back in fifteen!" He yelled as he already moved to exit the barista stand, Ben laughing to himself as he walked to the back.

Richie had to say he was a little disappointed to see the cute boy from earlier was no longer in the shop. 

Oh well. Maybe some other time. 

He shrugged on his coat and beanie as he went to step outside, pulling a cigarette from his pocket and lighting it. 

He sat back against the wall of the coffee shop, smoking in silence as he let himself get lost in thoughts of brown hair and cute smiles. 

"Was wondering if you were ever gonna get a break."

Richie turned his head, cigarette between his lips, when he saw the boy from earlier approaching him. He was even cuter in person, Richie realized.

"You caught me at a good time," he chuckled smoothly, holding the cigarette out towards him, watching as the boy grimaced and shook his head. Richie laughed at that, holding his hands up in a surrender. "You been waiting out here in the cold for me?" Richie teased.

The boy rolled his eyes with a scoff that Richie found utterly adorable. "Yeah, of course. Who needs the warmth and safety of all the little stores right beside your coffee shop, when I can just stand out here and freeze my ass off instead?"

Richie was laughing hard now, and he found the boy laughing as well.

"I saw you looking at me in there, you know."

"I saw you looking back."

The boy smirked at Richie's reply. "I just - I feel like I know you from somewhere."

Richie turned to grin at him, exhaling smoke to the side. "Of course. I'm from your dreams, remember? The ones where a tall, dark and handsome man sweeps you off your feet?"

"Oh, fuck off." They both laughed.

Richie found it easy to laugh with him.

"Fine then, Prince Charming. Is that your actual name, or do you wanna give me the real one?" The brunette asked him with a quirked eyebrow.

"Richie Tozier's the name, making coffee is my game," Richie replied, sticking a hand out towards him. He took it and they shook hands, looking at each other with something shining in their eyes as soon as their hands touched.

"Um— Eddie. Eddie Kaspbrak."

"Nice to meet ya, Eds."

"Don't call me that."

"Okay. Can I call you tonight?"

Eddie punched Richie in the shoulder, but gave him his number anyway.

Richie smiled.

"I think I'm gonna like you, Eddie Kaspbrak."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> let me know what you think i am desperate and in need of constant reassurance *throws confetti*
> 
> if you like it, we'll see about part 2 :)


End file.
